Author of Stripper Talk: Sydni Deveraux

Hello world! It’s Stripper Talk time again! This is a place where I field questions and answer them to the best of my ability, hopefully giving anyone who’s interested in burlesque some insight.

This week’s question comes from another anonymous teaser. 

“Dear Miss Sydni Deveraux, 

My name is (withheld) and I’m a burlesque dancer and producer in (location withheld). I just started producing my own show, so I’m not quite comfortable with the ins and outs of producing a burlesque show yet. Lately, I’ve run into a problem with one of my performers….she recently very ungracefully bowed out of one of my shows she was committed to. 

She asked me to have lunch with her and a couple of her friends to discuss with them what the local burlesque community is like and how to get your foot in the door. She showed up 15 minutes late. Then, we started to talk about our plans for winter break. She said she was flying back to (removed location) to visit her family and casually mentioned the date she would arrive back in the United States…which was a week after my show she was supposed to perform in. I was obviously taken aback and told her she would be missing my show. She didn’t even remember the date of my show, so she was very confused and surprised. I tried to be tactful about it, but I was annoyed and upset that she had been so careless. I had a really hard time booking this show and now I had one less performer. 

Basically my problems is this. I booked this performer for two shows at once: the show she ended up ditching and one in the future. I now realize how dumb that idea was on my part, but I’m torn as to whether I still want her in my future show. On top of quitting this show, she acted very unprofessionally at my first show. She brought a guest backstage without permission and he stayed the entire time…she basically added him to the guest list. 

Would it be unprofessional of me to un-book her? And how would I go about it? Or should I give her a second chance?

Thank you so much for your help, Sydni!

xxoo, 
Anonymous Producer”

Hi Producer!

Since you’re asking what I would do- I would nix her. Seriously. Her unprofessionalism is appalling- late? Doesn’t write down her engagements or let you know she’s not going to be able to perform? Forgets her engagements altogether? Brings random people backstage? Do us all a favor and fire her from her show. It’s performers like this that bring the whole community down. I will say though that it’s absolutely imperative that you let her know EXACTLY why- in case she tries her hand with other producers. This is where you get to be the professional; kind of a “leave it cleaner than when you found it” kind of mentality.  Perhaps over time, after you notify her of her wrongs and you see her behaving differently with other producers- you could reassess the situation.

I in no way find it unprofessional for you to cancel her booking at this point-the only wiggle room being if you haven’t set up the code of conduct that you hold your cast to. It is difficult in this business because you really want to give people the benefit of a doubt (often due to initial fondness, or genuine respect of their onstage talent), you want to hope that everyone is on the same page as us, no matter what page that is. You WANT to think that everyone already knows how you want them to behave at your show even though you haven’t written it to them or said it out loud; It would behoove you as a new producer to understand that these are little untruths we ALL like to tell ourselves so we don’t have to do the super hard work of setting boundaries upfront (I know it’s kept me up at night before).

I hope you’ll now take the time (if you already haven’t begun to) to set your boundaries with your performers- as the boss you get to tell them when to show up and what their expected behavior is. Sending a pdf-type FAQ whenever you book a performer is really useful, and loving reminders are great, and sets up expectations: “Please make sure to mark your calendars! I expect the cast to be at the venue at 8pm, ready to rock the show” (or whatever time it is).

However….they still get to decide how to act. Contracts, rules, memos or no. Since anyone who agrees to something can still decide to do something entirely different, find solace in that you can also decide how to act. As the producer- act decisively, be fair, avoid favoritism and stick to your guns when it comes to your rules being bent.

Someone is late? They get a written note from me explaining my policy, and if they repeat without notification I don’t book them anymore. Someone cancels or doesn’t show without an acceptable reason or notice? They don’t get booked by me anymore. If they disrespect other performers in my show or the backstage sanctuary- no bookings for them. This is like any other job- if you don’t show up to work you might get a warning, but in a lot of cases you get fired. Just because we’re mostly naked and people have a drink or two doesn’t negate that there is an obligation to perform, and there is an expectation to be paid for services.

This is the hard part of producing- telling people WHY you can’t work with them…really, it’s awful. Over time though- if you run your ship tight, these issues won’t happen, and you’ll be able to have an incredible little black book of super-reliable and wonderful talent to share the stage and what’s behind it with.

As producers it’s our obligation to set rules to make a fair playing field for everyone involved with us. It makes our shows run smoother and performers easier to work with over time. I wish you all the luck with your boundary-setting and hopefully pushing your community to new heights!

xo
Sydni Deveraux

Author of Stripper Talk: Sydni Deveraux “The Golden Glamazon”.

Hello world! It’s Stripper Talk time again! This is a place where I field questions and answer them to the best of my ability, hopefully giving anyone who’s interested in burlesque some insight.

This week’s question comes from Anonymous:

“Hello Sydni! Huge fan of your blog and Stripper Talk. Thank you for all that you do!

I have a question that’s been weighing on me for some time now. I frequently work with someone who is becoming well known and admired in the community on a national level and beyond. We started burlesque around the same time and often travel together and perform duets though we are not a troupe or group. Since earlier this year as this person’s star rises- so does their ego. They consistently talk down to me in a condescending tone as if because I don’t have as many credentials that I know nothing. They are constantly name-dropping when we’re in the presence of others and have also tried to pass along all of the grunt work to me (sew my costume, fix my wig, etc). If I do a good job onstage they offer a snarky “well, that was ok” in a joking manner. But after the 12th time it gets to me. 

They are constantly telling me that I need to step it up, what acts I need to do, what type of costumes I need to wear, etc. It’s not even constructive criticism at this point, its just petty and mean. They even went so far as to tell me that they would love to help me produce my next show because they can “see what I’m going for”.

On the surface, we would seem to have a loving and functional relationship but no one truly knows how much this person’s attitude is bugging me. I thought it was just me- and wondered if I harbored some unknown jealously, but speaking to other performers it sounds like they are being treated the same way. 

Help?! How do I continue a professional relationship and also a personal one without seeming overly sensitive? Its getting to a point where I’m seriously considering ending our professional relationship.

Thank you!”

Hi Anonymous-

Whooooooo boy! This sounds….challenging, to say the least! I can imagine this is taking a toll on your love of the craft as well, since someone constantly having something negative to say about what you’re doing is extremely hard to deal with on top of the already demanding life of a showgirl. However, it feels like there’s hope. If you have both a professional and a personal relationship with this performer, you’re going to need to be the bigger person and set some boundaries. It’s clear that not everyone can work and play together, but in this world- that can be incredibly difficult.

I suggest emailing (or even snail mail- handwritten content is POWERFUL) this person and asking them to meet you for coffee in a neutral place that you both don’t frequent. Let them know that it’s important to you to talk with them about where you’d like your relationship with them to go in the future. I don’t know how close you are or how many real heart to hearts you’ve ever had with this person, but take this into account- sometimes it’s best to write your friend/partner a letter explaining in a neutral, non-accusatory way about how their behavior has affected you. Absolutely no name-calling or conjecture about why you feel that they do this. Also- no mention of how they treat other people; this is entirely about you and them. Let them know that you’re writing them so that they will have some time to think about/process what’s being said and that it’s important to you that you talk in person about it. Make sure that you schedule a mandatory meeting that happens before you have to perform together again- this is especially important.

After you write this letter, and BEFORE you send it- see if you can get a super-rational friend outside of the situation to read it. Sit on it for at least 24 hours. Then send away.

Some might argue that just confronting the person in person, or calling them to ask to meet would work to- and you can gauge this. However, I know that I am a sensitive person, and I’m an artist. The person that you’re dealing with is an artist and artists are, as you know…sensitive. Calling them and saying something like “I want to meet to talk to you about a thing”, might make them make up all kinds of stories about what’s wrong before they even get to you.

I often have the idea that the people in our life are indicators of our psyche- and how we allow people to treat us is a mirror of how we might be treating ourselves on the inside. It is also often a pattern- if a person was treated poorly before, unless they stop it, the cycle will continue over and over again with other people until they can learn to change the pattern. When you up your self-love, which you are already doing by exploring how you can change this relationship, you are showing the world and those you have a relationship with how to treat you. Stand tall in your decision to not only respect yourself but to be respected.

Often when you bring up how the offending party has treated you- you will meet a great resistance. Calling people on their shit is tough, there’s denial, anger, sadness, sometimes even a strange mixture of all three. Often though- unless the person is genuinely malicious (and lets assume that you don’t befriend those who choose to be that way), you’re going to be dealing with a person that had absolutely no idea that they were doing this to you. Sadness and regret is often the outcome of this revelation, and it would be in your best interest to encourage them to investigate the causes of their treatment (perhaps its how they’ve always been treated by the ones they love) in order to stop the cycle. If you see them doing the work to treat you better, make sure to keep an open way of communicating with them. If they repeat their poor treatment of you- IMMEDIATELY call them out on it (and not loudly, per se- but pull them aside and tell them that their behavior towards you is not permitted anymore).

There are times when a person cannot change the behavior that they’ve grown used to using on you, and that is when you would benefit by realizing that you are ultimately the person that has the power to change the relationship. Only you. After you ask them to modify- if they don’t- you have to change. Either leave the relationship OR put up with it. I strongly suggest you not put up with anyone treating you poorly….its simply atrocious to the spirit.

As 2013 quickly approaches, I want to encourage everyone who reads this to carefully assess their relationships to those around them. If you are plagued by feelings of jealousy or lack consciousness (ie: “not good enough”, “don’t have enough”)- it might mean that you need to stop looking outside (and this does include looking at what others are doing on Facebook/social media), and instead start congratulating the successes you see as you would your own. Blessings beget blessings. Go inside of yourself and celebrate your gorgeous uniqueness and understand that what you have to offer is different from those around you. Ask yourself to find what you can offer to your community and build esteem that way. We need all of you. We need all of us to fall blatantly in love with ourselves so that we might be able to share the idea of confidence to our audiences and those whose lives we touch. Spread glamour and revelry in this time of confusion and taupe-ness. We are all connected to each other (humans and strippers alike) and a success for your sister stripteaser is a victory for us all in getting this industry to be one that can be a viable source of art, income and illumination.

Be gorgeous to each other.

Love
Sydni Deveraux
http://www.twitter.com/SydniDeveraux

I recently had the extraordinary pleasure of getting flown to NYC by Doc Wasabassco for Wasabassco Burlesque’s 8^th Anniversary. I had been waiting for it for months and was not disappointed! The 3^rd time I’ve come to NY to perform (the previous being the New York Burlesque Festival just a month prior) and since this time I was staying with my friends and fellow performers, I fell in love a little bit more with NY and it’s city than the last time.

    The anniversary consisted of 2 giant shows- the first at City Winery (where I premiered my new gold act) and the second at the Bell House. Each show had more than 15 performers in each showing just 1 act, and many of them were premiers. I was super excited to perform at the City Winery and simply watch the second show, front and center- which I have to tell you is a particular treat when Michelle L’amour decides to flash her cat eyes at you.

Premiering a new act is often a little stressful- no matter how many times you’ve practiced, the addition of a new stage and an audience creates a whole new environment. I closed the show with my 20+ pound dress made of gold beads, and I LOVED the sound of them as I danced across the stage. I believe J.D Oxblood (writer/creator of Burlesque Beat Magazine) called it “Mardi Gras in a dress”.

    The beautiful curation of this show was very apparent- and the audience was certainly in for a treat! From Bettina May’s Bagpipes (yes- you read that correctly), Medianoche’s tango inspired act, Boo Bess’ whimsical drama, to GoGo harder’s cowboy act I loved getting to actually WATCH this show- a rare treat indeed.

I should definitely mention that it was so lovely to see three very different hosts on the stage for the three-set nightl. Bastard Keith started us off correct with his dashing dance moves, Gigi LaFemme coquettishly flirted with us during the second, and Sapphire Jones sassily shut it down in the third.

Fellow headliner and Miss Exotic World/Burlesque Hall of Fame winner Michelle L’amour “The Ass that goes POW!” was also flown in to celebrate the anniversary and on this first night she received a well-deserved standing ovation for her “Butthoven’s 5^th” performance. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LFjk2Grd_lw) I’ve certainly never seen an ass move so precisely…and I’m IMMENSELY thankful for it.

The end of a super fun show is always a bit of a mixed bag for me- I always want to do it all over again immediately! Thankfully people stuck around to have cocktails and I shared a fun time with performer Boo Bess and people watched as the night faded away. Heading back to Doc and Nasty’s on the subway, I was ready for a delightful night of sleep…and I was not disappointed.

After teaching “Strutting” at Jo Boob’s NY School of Burlesque the following day (Saturday), I hopped on a subway and headed to the Bell House to watch the 2^nd installment of the anniversary. Settled in on 1 of the 3 couches set for VIP’s (the rest of the house was standing room only- and nearly 500 of them!), I enjoyed the show with the L’Amour’s, J.D Oxblood, Melody Mudd and a little bit of bourbon.

This show certainly had everything! Striptease, magic, fire, piercing, and aerial! Hosting this night was Albert Cadabra, Nasty Canasta and Doc Wasabassco and each one delivered some hearty laughs and heart-filled moments of love for their cast. Albert Cadabra’s wrangling of the “Slutty (and very drunk) Cowgirl” during his magic act was one of the highlights of the evening, completed with the peeking at Mr. Cadabra’s pecker!

Michelle L’Amour treated us with her “Whole Lotta Love” act- which is one of my favorites of hers. Besides using one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands (Led Zeppelin)- Michelle is one of the finest in musicality and a wide range of expressions both in her face and her body-the sign of a world-class entertainer. The show ended with one of the most ridiculous and awesome acts of all time- “Titanic” by The Kissing Cousins- Gigi LaFemme and her (real!) cousin Scarlet Sinclair. It showed at the Burlesque Hall of Fame a few years back and hadn’t been performed since, the original boat was sunk in the Sunday pool party- It is exactly what Doc called it “Brill-tarded”. The night ended with a pinning of all of Doc Wasabassco’s agents and then a nightcap with the cast around the corner. Sitting on a pool table with Gal Friday, I again had a moment of extreme gratitude- this is my life! Sparkly and brilliant strippers pepper my life, all over the world.

Leaving NY was harder this time- I was ready to go home, but not ready to leave my new NY family. I was sent off nice a proper though- a lovely brunch made by Legs Malone, movies with Bastard Keith and Mme. Rosebud and one final lunch with Doc and Nasty- my heart is bursting with all kinds of gooey love for the other coast. I can’t wait to get back!

In the middle of our continent lies a city that has seen better days- and that city is Detroit. Crossing the bridge and the border from Windsor to a once booming city was a bit of a shock- I’ve seen photos and documentaries for sure about the deterioration and the attempts to resuscitate, but it didn’t prepare me for the hollowed out and broken down buildings that were at one time glorious. The streets are quiet- not many people driving or walking, which is a major difference from my home in Seattle or my recent trip to New York, I almost feel like I’m waiting for something to happen. However- there are signs of rebuilding and hope sprinkled around, P-patches and the remodeling of houses, a couple of murals here and there. Hipsters have been relocating recently, hoping to breathe life into this dying city and chances are they’re going to do it.

In what seems like the center of the city lies a MASSIVE Masonic temple. It’s where our gig is tonight- Theatre Bizarre, and I’m overwhelmed by the structure of the building- the molding decorating everything, the Latin phrases on ceremonial chairs and stands, labyrinthine hallways, locked doors, marble floors….and then of course the incredible art that has been hosted by the building, the art that beckons to carnies and dark revelers everywhere. Around 5,000 people are projected to attend this party, spanning over 6 floors and who knows how many rooms. The burlesque portion is nestled on the 5^th floor in the Peepshow- across from the ominously named: FISTATORIUM. But more on the Fistatorium later…

The dressing room winds behind the devil-mouthed stage- a long line of suitcases, makeup stations and strip-artists litter the room. It’s a journey just to get in and out of the backstage to get to the party, happily tripping over ladies and gents telling stories of their travels, cackling laughter, naked bodies being adorned in glitter and fishnets, and some rehearsing quietly to themselves.

There’s 6 sets consisting of around 6 performers in each for the night in the peepshow and it runs like a well-oiled train, teaser after pleaser exiting the mouth of the devil, dancing up to the ramp to the platform in the center of a room teeming with costumed party-goers. When you’re up there you especially feel like you’re on museum display being THISCLOSE to a man dressed as a vampire and a lady dressed as Leeloo (there’s always one!) taking in your performance. By the end of the night, the room will be sweaty and filled to the brim- packed like sardines that desire to stare at flesh.

Before the crowds really start to arrive in droves though- I donned my catsuit (all performers had to be in costume too) and placed myself in one of the Masonic thrones conveniently stationed front and center to the devil’s mouth and was able to enjoy an entire set before doing some quick exploring while the party was happening (we got to explore earlier in the day without guests being about, which I was thankful for) and then popping back to the backstage to prepare myself for my first show.

A performance that I must tell you about is by the man called Sexy Mark Brown from Toronto- I watched from behind the curtain, and even from the back, it was incredible! All of the talent at this show was top notch to be certain, but there’s a certain spark of awesome that happened when Sexy Mark stepped onstage as a preacher and left the crowd quaking- a frenzy of well laid energy, a true pro, entertainment at it’s best. A fantastic performance by a very fascinating man indeed!

I have to tell you, being at a venue for 12 hours can be exhausting, for sure, but I never felt that way at Theatre Bizarre- I think because it wasn’t just a show, and there was always something to go look at, some strange oddity to discover- fire performers, suspension, bands, dancing, intricate art, and wandering people. After the sets were over and there was still a couple of hours left in the night, we formed a big group and went to Ghost Train- which stands as my favorite part of the evening.

Picture this- walking through doors into darkness and fog all you hear is heavy metal and you lay eyes on a line of costumed people, standing in line for what- you can’t tell. Roxi and D’arcy arranged for us all to take a ride on this “Ghost Train”, walking through the fog you finally come up to a miniature train with many cars, like the one you rode on as a child, driven by someone who is clearly having way too much fun at their job for the evening. Weaving in and out, doing donuts (in what HAS to be a giant auditorium) we screamed and laughed as we were whipped through the fog. The crazy thing to me is that for all of those people standing in line- they never heard us! The crew at Theatre Bizarre had set up a perfect illusion that I only hope to encounter again at some point. We then headed back to the Fistatorium to see if the show we were promised was going to begin- a man was to meet his match with someone else’s foot, and we were all dying to see it.

It is with disappointment that I have to admit that we missed the “foosting” (what we affectionately called it), but somehow I feel it might have been to my benefit as some things cannot be unseen. It was a secret thrill to explain what BDSM and the Fistatorium were all about to a “virgin”- though it made it very clear that I’ve read and seen some very strange things in my 20 some odd years on this planet. C’est la vie!  It is both to my pleasure and detriment that I’m curious about everyone’s sexual proclivities and the Fistatorium was certainly host to a few unconventional desires.

Our last adventure for the night was to get ourselves back over the border BY TAXI to Roxi’s house. It was a bit of a shock to find out that taxi’s do indeed go back and forth over the border and with hilarious results sometimes- a car full of made-up and costumed creatures asking to be let into another country. I don’t think I’ve laughed as hard or been as amused by a car ride in years- it really is all about the company that you keep, and  thank goodness my company is delightful and strange.

My visit with Roxi and D’arcy ended too quickly- they were the loveliest of hosts! Eating homemade cupcakes made to look like brains (super cute and delicious!), walking by a river, watching Tigger! climb a train, 2 fantastic show experiences and at the end eating takeout and watching “Burlesque” in our jammies (what a ridiculous movie- but I’ll always love Cher), I can’t wait to get back to Windsor to play with them again!

http://theatrebizarre.com
http://www.roxidlite.com

I met the 2010 Burlesque Hall of Fame’s Queen of Burlesque Roxi D’Lite the same year that she won with her giant cigar and we’ve become fast friends ever since. When the opportunity arose to visit her in her hometown, to stay with her and to perform in what was going to be 2 incredibly fun shows- I jumped at the chance.

Anyone who has met Roxi knows of her effervescent, bubbly-charm and her dedication to being a performer deserving of her Queen title. I arrived a couple days early and left a couple days after the event to be able to hang out with my friend and in between I had the pleasure of dancing in 2 of the most fun shows I’ve gotten to do this year.

    Undertaking producing 2 major shows consisting of over 15 performers is a feat in itself and Roxi and D’arcy (her partner in producing and life) made sure that not only was the balance in performers backstage absolutely lovely, but the shows that were presented had a little bit of everything for everyone. Seeing friends from all over the country (and meeting new ones) is something usually only occurring in festival circumstances, which can be really hectic and often overwhelming with hundreds of performers all trying to get to know each other. Because of this unusual circumstance, we all were thrilled to get to have a bit of time to really enjoy the backstage and hang out vibe created from the crazy combination of international talent!

Arriving the day before Boom Boom was Tigger! Burlesque’s first King of Boylesque and Eric Powell, the artist behind incredible comic- The Goon (http://www.thegoon.com). Eric was along for the ride- coming to see the shows and experience Theatre Bizarre, and whether he liked it or not (of course he liked it!) be barraged by crazy kooky strippers- and he fit right in. When traveling, my favorite part is that you never know what interesting mix of artist you’ll be sitting at dinner with, and I feel super blessed to have met some crazy people, and to have cuddled next to the artists that have influenced my career over time.

The night of Boom Boom I got to fulfill a dream of performing for one of my Legends, Miss Toni Elling. The day before Boom Boom, an article in the Windsor star had provided tribute to her (http://blogs.windsorstar.com/2012/10/18/burlesque-legend-toni-elling-to-visit-windsor), and so the opportunity to extend Miss Toni’s legacy as a performer of color felt like an incredible honor. We all watched the video of the interview, huddled on Roxi’s couch smiling and tearing up at the beautiful moment where we see one of our incredible women in burlesque being brought back out into the light. I only wish to see more of it in our current publications….meeting and talking to these legends has the transformative ability to change your life.

For the show, the stage was low to the ground and surrounded by the audience and a huddle of performers off to stage right- bright eyed and smiling watching their peers bring their art to a unique moment in time. It’s time like these, like watching Julie Atlas Muz admire her husband, Matt Fraser charmingly host the show that you feel enveloped in a moment, hugged by the reality that this is the life you’ve happily worked so hard to create. In one moment, you see a newly blonde Midnight Martini masked and swathed in a robe and the next she’s flying high on her silks, mesmerizing the crowd with her grace up high. Roxi brought her Fetish Feline act complete with a decadent giant bowl of creamer for her to bathe in- and it was certainly decadent and delicious to watch!

There were so many lovely moments from this show, like Trixie and Monkey’s new magic act, Lola Spitfire ROCKING people’s faces off despite her broken ankle (I know right?) and Tigger and Julie’s spring time act with a dramatic twist- I tried my best to not miss a moment that was happening on that stage. Lola VanElla and Sammich provided the show with a sweetness that many burlesque shows can miss- their vaudeville performances being mini-plays for the audience to get lost in for a moment, their love story apparent and very real. Wrapping the show into a gorgeous package with Matt Fraser, the seal boy- armed with his British wit and utterly disarming personality!

After the show ends, the entire space was transformed into a dance club and many of the performers let loose, posing for photographs and generally being stared at like aliens by those who had just arrived, thinking that they were going to see the typical fare offered at their dancing establishment. It’s moments like these where I realize a showgirl’s reality is dramatically different from many peoples- and often the difference can create hilarious situations. I slept like a baby cuddled in bed next to Tigger!, and we were definitely going to need our sleep- the next day is Theatre Bizarre in Detroit, which will have us crossing borders and delving deep into the land of carnies!

http://www.roxidlite.com/

It’s been years now that I’ve been working with Jamie, hiring her to create costume pieces, to perform at the Pink Door (she’s also an accomplished burlesque dancer), and sharing back stages. One of the things that I’ve always enjoyed about her is that she’s a breath of fresh air- her creations vary widely and show incredible imagination and lovely color choices. Over the time I’ve gotten to work with her, I’ve had the pleasure of learning a bit more about her like the unfolding of a flower; each tidbit I see of her, I enjoy her more and more. This show was no different- being asked to walk in her fashion show benefiting Washington Women In Need (wwin.org) meant that I got to peer into her mind as she created a show leaning on her mod-inspirations and her love for sequins. Every bit that she had me try on in her workspace seemed to speak to a colorful joy and an essence of “life is a stage, honey”…party and wedding dresses, chiffon, a Swedish-flag inspired coat- I really wish that it was all resting in my closet or on my back, Von Stratton surely creates parties in her clothing!

Unlike traditional fashion shows, Jamie’s is different- peppered with various performances from Seattle’s cabaret and burlesque royalty, drag queens, and a who’s who of partylife glittered in her audience; all ready to bid on the dresses that we modeled on the stage and in the aisles. I was excited to see a new use for the Triple Door- walking the stage and then a “runway” in the aisles created by cleverly placed spotlights! Having been a model in my younger years, it was a breath of fresh air to be able to place a bit of bright personality in the clothes that we were modeling. Von Stratton hired me to be “me” essentially, and to play and romp and be as vivacious as I wanted to be in her frocks.

Backstage was a mayhem unique to fashion shows- a clothes rack being gone through by dressers and models, alike- 17 year old girls on cell phones, taking pictures and asking the older models (that meant me this time, oh jeez!) about their crazy life. I especially enjoyed my makeup artist singing along to Madonna playing on his phone at his station while we chatted about the art scene and different makeup lines and techniques. Upon walking into the soon to be insanely busy dressing room- Jamie had gifted us with a delightful pink box (hehe) full of goodies! A makeup kimono, some makeup from local Atomic Cosmetics (Sydni is an eye shadow color in the line, y’all!), eyelashes, leg warmers, tights and more- but I should try to keep this write-up short.

My favorite moment in the show by far was getting to model a black and hot orange onsie that was brilliantly accompanied by a shake weight- which I used onstage….vigorously. The end of the show held a performance by Airpocalypse- the world’s most famous air guitar band. Yes- you read that right- and they were GLORIOUS.

So many thanks to Jamie Von Stratton for asking me to model in her show, for creating such fun fashions! I can only hope to get to do it again.

www.jamiestratton.com

xo

Sydni Deveraux “The Golden Glamazon”
www.twitter.com/sydnideveraux
www.glitterwonderland.com

Author of Stripper Talk, Sydni Deveraux

Hello world! It’s Stripper Talk time again! This is a place where I field questions and answer them to the best of my ability, hopefully giving anyone who’s interested in burlesque some insight.

JOIN THE CONVERSATION AND COMMENT HERE: http://www.21stcenturyburlesque.com/stripper-talk-with-sydni-deveraux-bullies-in-burlesque/

This week’s question comes from a performer who’s identity I’ve chosen to protect , location undisclosed. Let’s call her “XX”. All of the identities have been removed from this post, including the location of the peoples involved. Statements (taken from correspondence) from the producer has been  highlighted to give as much of the full story as is allowed at this time, and to encourage a conversation that needs to happen in our community, and that is of discrimination and misogyny in burlesque- this episode being “size-ism”. As burlesque becomes more and more popular, we need to take notice of our surroundings in which we’ve become accustomed to- and make sure that all of it’s participants are treated with respect. It’s a slippery slope- allow an inch and some will run a mile on you. 

Dear Sydni,

I am writing to you after being inspired by this video:  http://www.upworthy.com/bully-calls-news-anchor-fat-news-anchor-destroys-him-on-live-tv?g=2&c=ucfb1

This year I stepped down after 6 years of performing burlesque after having a discussion with a producer.  I was pulled aside after a rehearsal and told to lose weight by him and that now there was a new “code of conduct” which addressed this issue.  Ok…  I calmly said that I understood and walked away from the exchange completely shocked.  We live in a free country, people can do what they want and produce whatever show they want, but I got into burlesque not to be a skinny girl on stage, but to be the sexy woman that I am.  Later that week I informed him that I could not follow his new rule and do not agree to the terms we discuss, which were

1.)  Lose more weight 
2.)  If I don’t lose weight I will be booked less 
3.)  I was not allowed to discuss this topic with any of girls. 

His response was this correspondence: (edited down for length)

“…I wanted it to be a process that we embrace together, with the end result being a healthier, slimmer performer. I want to see the return of the XX on the stage that I originally cast in the show. That’s it….

I represent the audience and what they desire to see onstage. In every aspect of the show….Ignoring social norms of what is attractive is pure selfishness on the part of the performer. That’s a quick way to end up with a show that no one wants to see…. If you ignore the audience’s expectations, then they will ignore you and your show. 

At the end of the day, you are fighting me about this because a.) your feelings are hurt by my honesty about a situation that we both know to be true, and b.) it dredges up all sorts of hurtful self image issues that you are applying to yourself. If you were to step back and look at the situation rationally,  you would agree that this isn’t the body image that you want to represent yourself with or that you want to put onstage. You want to be healtier, more attractive, stronger, faster, leaner. You want the same things that I want for you. You just don’t like hearing it from me. 

So, I’ll ask you again. Will you work with me on this? Will you continue to do what you are already doing, slim down, get healthier and be accountable for this with me? Or would you rather tell me to fuck off just because it feels good to do that, in this particular moment?

Respectfully,
Producer”

Which was then followed immediately with this correspondence:

“Let’s be clear about this. You are currently the biggest girl in the show. That’s why I had the first discussion with you.”

I do not have height restrictions for the show, because no performer can control that. And the pool of available talent in the city is not large enough for me to put that restriction in place. A performer CAN control their weight. That’s why I am addressing this issue. 

…Vegas standards are much stricter than anything that we put forward in this show. Nobody in Vegas would have the prolonged discussion that I am having with you. They would have just fired you a long time ago and hired someone else.”

And my response was:

“Hi Producer,

Since we’re being clear, I understand that it is your responsibility, if anyone’s, to approach me when a change like this is needed. However, I completely disagree with the direction you’re leading this troupe in. When you pitched the show to me, it was a collaboration of gypsy artists, not a weight restricting showgirl strip club. You never pitched a show that would have restrictions on the burlesque performers. 

On that note, I am not the largest girl. I wear a size 4. *S is a 6. Fact.  I have absolutely no issues with *S size. Perhaps the reason she doesn’t count in your lineup of who’s the largest is dependent on a longer working relationship, again, since we’re being clear. 

If you were to step back and look at the situation rationally, you’d recognize that your motives for this are skewed, at best. 

I’m not telling you to fuck off. It doesn’t feel good to have to have this exchange with you. I told you when we spoke that I’m now 3 lbs. away from my weight on my license, which was 135 lbs. When I started this show, I was 141. It hurts me that you’re approaching me based on your personal opinion, not fact. 

I’ll see you at the show tonight. 

XX”

None of the girls I spoke with heard of this new rule, nor did they agree with it.  Of course, that night was the last night I performed with the troupe.

I was going to walk away from this and never look back, but some part of me feels like I need to tear this open for everyone to see.  He had bullied girls about this and that- but about my weight… that was the last straw.  Is this where burlesque is headed?  This homogenized version for the masses to digest?  Is this the future of this art form?  What the hell should I do?  Do I bring this to the community?  My options for performing are slim now that I don’t have a “home” show, so I’m taking this time to figure out what does this is all mean for me.  But please, I would love to hear your opinion.

Sincerely,
*XX

Hello and thank you for writing in, XX-

Woah. I’ve been sitting on this email for a week now- trying to digest my reaction. Needless to say, but I’ll say it anyways- I’ve stripped identities from this correspondence because the other party isn’t here to defend themselves.

I can’t say I’m surprised, XX about the feelings that the producer expressed in his note to you, since I’ve certainly experienced those sentiments from  producers from time to time, and it certainly feels disgusting to have someone else tell you what you should be doing with your body. Our community is a microcosm of what’s happening all over the world, with those in charge trying to control women by tearing us down based on our appearances.

Here’s my major thoughts about this: 

1)    No one should be permitted to treat you that way. No one should ever tell you what you should do with your body- EVER.

2)  I’ve certainly had gorgeous experiences with most male producers in burlesque, but it’s hard not to be a little wary since many male producers are not strippers as well, and aren’t dealing with the cultural expectations placed on our female bodies on a day to day basis. I recognize that everyone is dealing with pressures placed on us to be “attractive”, but none so much as women, in my opinion. I’ve had my wary moments with men working in burlesque- some tout thinly veiled misogyny as rakishness or wit…or in their casting choices. 

3)    I hope that burlesque doesn’t become homogenized- but I really want to point out that it did come from more homogenized roots. It wasn’t until the resurgence of this art form did we see the DIY/anyone can do it culture. This means that for awhile yet, especially as this art form becomes more widely known, we are also dealing with the paradigm that striptease style burlesque was created in. During those days they were constantly examined and written up about their bodies, with producers doing exactly what he tried to do to you, XX. Conventionally attractive or wildly exotic were the ways to get into burlesque. Now that it’s resurgence is mostly powered by smaller funding, self-producing, women and the underground (for now) do we have the ability to change this paradigm for good. We must make sure these things are talked about before burlesque gets bigger, we must make sure that we keep our dignity in a culture that loves to rob it from anyone that deals in sex and flesh, let alone just being a woman. 

4)    It is all of our responsibility as performers and strippers to speak up the moment a red flag happens, to note when you see a producer discriminating or bullying ANYONE and to take great self care. When a producer bullies one of us, they bully all of us- if we stand by and watch poor treatment, we’ve taught the producer that they can also do the same to us. 

5)    The notion that the producer thinks that he represents the audience in what they want is possibly the most arrogant and disgusting part of his explanation. It takes all kinds liking all kinds or else we would all look very similar at this junction in history. His statement made me say “f&%$ this guy” out loud, actually. I really don’t like it when people claim to know what everyone wants. It makes me punchy.

6) I would recommend that you do bring it to your community, at least to your troupe- but you should certainly give the offending producer the chance to stand up for themselves. It’s only fair. I guess my hope in having them be there in a discussion would give them the chance to either:

a) Re-assess his thinking and apologize. b) Get run out of town.

7) You needn’t have stated your weight in the reply, XX- his request of you, regardless of your size (ANY SIZE) is absolutely asinine and horrible. Unless you enter an agreement with an establishment about being any sort of size, keeping your hair a certain color or whatever it may be- it’s not ok to get an email or comment like that. It’s bad enough that strip clubs already dole out this type of treatment to it’s employees-it’s sad that it’s happening to our contemporary sisters. We need to make sure it doesn’t go any further. Our making sure that all talented types of bodies and humans are represented on stage is our way of standing up to the paradigm that rages on so horribly in this world right now. It’s our way of maybe being able to make a difference for our contemporary strip-club sisters, and for all women, really.

8) Until all women recognize that this art-form is COMPLETELY dependent on us staying strong, never allowing any iota of room for situations like this to take place, taking care of business, taking loving care of our bodies and ourselves, supporting each other and keeping the power in our hands- more men looking to capitalize and bully us in this community will exist. I believe that women ultimately have all the power- it’s just up to us to fully embrace it.

9) I should note that there are certainly women willing to do the same type of bullying, and to me it feels more dangerous than any man telling a woman to lose weight. You would think that all of this is common sense- that bullying or discriminating against anyone based on what’s on the outside (race, weight, height, disability, gender, etc.) is horrendous- but we’re not quite all there yet.

10) It is certain that everyone has their own preference to what they’d like to see on stage, but it is another thing when anyone will bully or shame someone by stating that their preference is how all people should be. Never mind that variety in all things, body types and people is the spice to life.

I wish that this all is resolved for you soon, XX. Stay vigilant and rehearsed- different gigs will pop up and your performance life will work itself out. When I left my troupe years ago I was scared that my performance options had dried up. You might have to look in other places, but they are there. I hope that you find support in your local community XX, you’re not alone.

Be loving to each other and support your sisters in stripping!

JOIN THE CONVERSATION! COMMENT AT THIS BLOG’S OTHER HOME: http://www.21stcenturyburlesque.com/stripper-talk-with-sydni-deveraux-bullies-in-burlesque/

Love,
Sydni Deveraux

PS: “Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself.” 
― Harvey Fierstein

“A girl should be two things: who and what she wants.” 
― Coco Chanel, The Gospel According to Coco Chanel: Life Lessons from the World’s Most Elegant Woman

Author of Stripper Talk, Sydni Deveraux

Hello world! It’s Stripper Talk time again! This is a place where I field questions and answer them to the best of my ability, hopefully giving anyone who’s interested in burlesque some insight.

This week’s question comes from Bella Sin of Ohio, USA

Hello,
I have been having this question in my mind for some time and i hope you can please shed some light upon it.

Recently i have attended some family friendly functions where there was a burlesque performer, The first thing i hear is “This is a family friendly none strip performance” I paused and asked “How can it be burlesque if there is no tease element?” They stated there was children in attendance and she was not stripping.
I waited for the performance as she entered the stage fully dressed she did remove articles of clothing down to a corset and underwear and bustle and she also did do some suggestive moves, it was interesting for me to see the audience reaction some looked away and took their children some where else and others where odd lookers that keep watching.
But it really got me thinking is burlesque a child friendly show even if there is no removal of clothing? Is it still burlesque or does it move to interpreted dance?

I have performed in Pride (LGBT celebration) and i do a full show but i have always been uncomfortable with the fact that there is children in the audience so i stop doing them.
I my self offer a performance that is friendly to family in my mind*
I simply fan dance in full costume *I.E In A full dress long gown and i title it “Fan Dancer” there is no clothing removal and its always a classic song, its that still acceptable?
I do not know if im becoming a prude or something like that but i just dont feel like what i do is acceptable for children under 18 to see and it furthers my mind to the idea that we are all going to love the body acceptance of it but when some ones little kid is 5 ot 8 they dont comprehend what that really is.

Please help clear my mind

Thank you
Bella Sin

Hi Bella!

Thanks for your question- I’ve also been approached to do “family friendly” or even funnier, gigs where it’s all adults, they want a burlesque dancer (classic striptease) but no raunch, no “strip”. I’ve found this confusing, because unless you’re doing the comedy/vaudeville/sideshow aspect of burlesque, you’re doing strip and not stripping certainly takes the cherry, the frosting and the eggs out of the cake, doesn’t it?

I don’t think there’s such a thing as family friendly burlesque when it comes to the striptease dancer. We’re dealing in a language that talks about sexuality, and even it we weren’t to take something off, our costumes, movement and makeup are hypersexualized enough to cause questions in a child’s mind, regardless of whether they can articulate them. Just like many mothers wouldn’t want to see a Barbie come to life in front of their young children, I’m sure parents aren’t too keen on someone in fishnets parading to classic strip songs. It’s a language that regardless of cognitive understanding- I think it translates. There is no other purpose for the shimmy except to titilate. The bump? invokes the thoughts of bumping with another in the night. The grind? FORGETABOUTIT.

A fan dance with clothes is an interesting concept in that I absolutely don’t think this would be seen as striptease in description, especially since you’re not removing clothes. However, are the movements suggestive? The fluttering, the close and reveal- the fan dance is all about the “hide and reveal”- it’s a big flirtatious dance typically, and the movements suggest that we should be admiring the body they frame.

Personally, I don’t do “family friendly” events. I’m not a family friendly performer, and that’s alright with me. If they ask me to be, I suggest to them clowns, jugglers and aerialists that I think would be the trick and also let them know that in my estimation there is no such thing as “family friendly” when it comes to us strippers.

Always ask about events that aren’t already set out to be 18+, if there’s a possibility that children might be able to attend, make sure that the advertising notes you as a STRIPTEASE act, and that the MC gives a friendly warning. After that- dance your heart out. You’ve done what you can, and they should remove their children if their uncomfortable. You don’t need to be held accountable for any different parenting that’s going on.

Use your best judgment!

xo
Sydni Deveraux
www.twitter.com/sydnideveraux

*Would you like your burlesque question answered in Stripper Talk? Email me at GlitterWonderland@gmail.comWant to see more of me? Check out www.GlitterWonderland.com

Author of Stripper Talk, Sydni Deveraux

Hello world! It’s Stripper Talk time again! This is a place where I field questions and answer them to the best of my ability, hopefully giving anyone who’s interested in burlesque some insight.

This week’s question comes from “BB” who wishes to remain anonymous. 

Hello Sydni,

My problem I am coming to you is this:

I am having trouble letting myself be sexy. I feel awful in my skin and presence when attempting to do anything sexy.

I am fairly new to burlesque with just over a year under my belt, but over 10 years experience with performing in general. I love being on stage and neo-burlesque style comes to me with ease. I feel totally comfortable and sexy when I am doing a silly, raunchy, playful and even dark humored routine, but as soon as I attempt a serious sexy strut or slow and sultry classic strip I feel so uncomfortable; I immediately do a silly face or air hump to break the serious tension. I don’t allow myself to be sexy. I don’t believe I am sexy enough to do a routine where I am acknowledging myself as a sexy woman. I am an average figured woman (not small enough to be considered skinny and not large enough to be considered a big beautiful woman) Too average to be sexy. This problem came apparent when attended a Lola Frost beginner chair dance workshop. I entered the class and looked around at all the beautiful sexy women- I know I should not compare myself to others, but I did- I felt not sexy and that I didn’t belong there or that I didn’t belong in the burlesque world at all. I love that anything is possible with burlesque and I want to go as far as I possibly can with it. This hang up is holding me back and I have no idea of how to get over it. Any tips, advice or stories will help… or even assurance that I am normal for that matter. 

Thank you so much Sydni, you are so inspirational I am grateful for your time and blog. Your words and wisdom are life changing. 

 xoxo “Bumbling Beauty”

Hi BB!

Thanks for the compliment, and for sending in such a great question! I’m sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time with this, so hopefully my thought on this matter can help you- I feel like a lot of women (in every walk of life, not just burlesque) struggle with this.

 **I should add a disclaimer to my answer to you- it is quite possible that I will dive into some nerdy, perhaps metaphysical stuff that I’m into in order to give you an answer that I’m content to give you. Take what you want, leave what you don’t- ok? Let’s go!

 I think this idea that women have about “being” sexy is such a strange one. The idea that you have to subscribe to a certain set of “sexy” facial expressions (ex: that “o” face, or looking slightly bored), movements, etc., is extremely limiting to the idea of sexy, don’t you think? I suggest that you set aside some time to really explore what “sexy” really means to you. Look at the performers, women and men that you admire for being what you find sexy and try to discover what other adjectives also apply to them. What are the ingredients (think qualities) in this sexy person soup that you want to enjoy for yourself?

I have to tell you- I especially love this question, and that it came to me because only a few years ago I had a lot of the same feelings as you did about wanting to goof off in moments of seriousness due to personal discomfort. At the time I was primarily identifying as a neo-burlesque performance artist and was known for my acts that injected humor and campy theatricality. I kept being pulled to try more classic styles, but I was also uncomfortable with it. (Tip: You need to sit with this discomfort, BB- find out where it ultimately comes from. Then do something about it- own it, change it, or discard whatever belief you have in there.)

My personal journey as a woman led me to classic burlesque- it chose me and not the other way around. My ongoing evolution of “woman” is mirroring my evolution as “artist” or “performer”. I don’t think that classic burlesque is necessarily more “sexy” than other stylings of burlesque, and I certainly don’t think that every performer has to have a classic act or engage in being “serious” onstage or what mainstream culture deems “sexy”. It works if you work it- neo, classic or otherwise!

I think it would be wise to try to shrug off any perceived notions of what “sexy” acts like, and then try to discover what makes you happy. Maybe play with the idea that “confident” or “happy” is “sexy”! My journey to “sexy” on stage is when I look “happy” and having a good time, nothing more, nothing less. That way, my humor (which is filthy) can shine through at the right time without going to a place of being a character- I’m just being myself.

Things to consider:

1)    There’s nothing in this word that says that “sexy” can’t be “funny”. A well-placed air-hump can be glorious- after all we are in the business of bump-and-grind, my darling!

2)    Your physical appearance has nothing to do whether you are “sexy”. Sexy isn’t an eye-color, a waist measurement or a breast size.

3)    Sexy= confidence. Sexy on stage= being confident or playing confident.

4)    Other people’s sexy isn’t going to be yours. I am not sexy when I try that cute-girl thing that many performers much smaller than me can do. You are wise to try not to compare yourself to others- I suggest you do more work around it!

 OK! So here’s some simple exercises you can do to bring sexy back!

1)    Smile at yourself when you are in a mirror- especially when you are rehearsing. Try rehearsing your whole act with a smile or a variance of your smile. I think smiling is great because it’s a moment of confidence shining on your face. Audiences love smiling ladies (and men) in burlesque- this exercise can help you get more confidence in your body. You might not choose to smile when you’re on an actual stage performing, but it will help infuse confidence into your core. (Major feather-tip to Catherine D’Lish, who makes me do this in all rehearsals with her!)

2)    Tell yourself: “I love myself”. No- seriously. If you don’t love yourself or like yourself, where is that “sexy” gonna spill out of? If you don’t believe it at first, that’s ok- just keep telling yourself. The brain is pretty cool- you can reprogram it! If you don’t believe me- there’s this awesome thing called Google- start learning!

3)    Write a list of all of the qualities you have that you think are sexy. (Just a hint: humor goes on this list.)

4)    Know that a veritable well of your own essence of “eau de sex” is inside of you. If you tell yourself that you’re “not sexy”- your “sexy” (that’s deep down inside of you) isn’t going to show up to prove you wrong. (It’s that brain thing again)

5)    Stand up straight. ALL OF THE TIME. Body language can send cues to our brain and vice versa. If I’m having a “not-confident” day, I check in with my body and fix it really quick! Pull in your core, support yourself as you walk through this world!

6)    Make eye-contact with people. People you talk to all the time. Strangers that don’t look crazy on the street. (But don’t stare- that’s when it gets weird)

7)    Smile more. At first it might feel fake- think of something happy- and then smile! The more you smile the more you’ll have things to smile about.

8)    Learn to take a compliment. NO excuses or unwarranted explanations! Just say thank you!

9)    Play up your attributes, day in and day out. Over time, your attributes will grow if you acknowledge and allow for it.

10) Be grateful for the body you have. Be grateful for your life and for the wonderful feminine energy that graces you. Please know that you can be grateful for your body while choosing to improve it (this should be entirely personal preference), if you see fit. If you’re not choosing to change, then you better be in the helpful habit of loving yourself, otherwise you’re just making yourself miserable. I personally believe that the only way your body ultimately chooses to make those changes for you is because you’re appreciating it. Your brain is a powerful thing- it’s running the whole show!

“Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change” – Dr. Dyer

 To sum it up, sweet BB- find and cultivate your confidence in all areas of your life in order to access it onstage. From there, I personally think the “sexy” will have no other reason but to spill out! And no matter what, try to do things that you’re pleased with, that make you happy- you needn’t do anything on stage just because you think someone expects it of you.

 I wish you all the success that you crave!

xo
Sydni Deveraux